Tomorrow (APH USPH) Chapter 1:Overthinking

         It’s 09:45 pm on the dot here at Quezon City and the pleasant smell of smoke, Unconstitutional mined coal and insufficient stock of environmental knowledge, aka modernization, is in the air.  Together with the sound of CNN Philippines and my laptop flashing from dim light with paperwork I need to get finished by tomorrow. I know what you’re thinking, my life is written in a book by Boredom itself. Well, being a nation isn’t really a trip to Las Vegas when you’re sleepy or getting ice cubes from the Arctic for your French Champagne, you know? At least not for nations like me. I actually need to work my butt off to gain whatever status I’m dealing with right now. If other nations are taking it seriously, I need to take mine in double loads. Especially with all this national issues inflicted on me. Even if it means, sacrificing my sleep. Even if it means turning off all connections beyond political matters. This is my country. And I am responsible for whatever happens here. I need to take things more seriously now. It’s not the kind of life everyone wants, but it’s the kind of life that I am willing to improve on.  

          “Politics... Politics... Politics...”, I would mumble continuously by the click of my remote. “Oh! A decent movie! No wait, Its Senator Franklin Drilon’s commercial. Skip.” Well, that was one way of bringing my hopes up. In frustration, I threw my laptop as well as myself down by my bed and groaned. “This is hopeless.”, I called out and ran a hand through my hair. The kind of life that I a,m willing to improve? More like TRYING to improve. I mean, I like my job but maybe for once I could have a 5 minute or 3 minute break? And do anything that produces stress.

          Momentarily, my cat pounced herself up by my side and by the looks of how the lights on the wall brightened, and the sudden sound of sobbing, my cat managed to find a better channel than I could by unconsciously stepping on the remote. Ah, that moment when your pet can live life better. And at the middle of my groans, a reminder pops up on my laptop screen. “Philippine-American Friendship Day? That’s on July 4 why should I- It’s July 3, isn’t it?”

“I’m just trying to be practical.”

“I’m not asking you to be practical, I’m asking you to be supportive!”

           “Ah, well played, universe. Well played.“, I could only clap my hands and role my eyes in sarcasm as the scene went on with more tears and drama. Typical Filipino movies. And here I see on the left, my cat glaring at me. If she had eyebrows, one of them would probably be raised.

            “Oh, come on. I am my own country! I need to do this on my own especially now that the final court decision on the Spratly Islands is on July 12.”, I reminded which was returned with a tilt of a head and the same narrowed eyes.  “Yes, he did help… a lot… But I did most of the paper work and conventions, you know! And yes, he help in calming down the tension with China… But that’s his JOB as the UN’s ‘Peacemaker’!”, I quoted with my fingers before releasing a heavy breath.

               “Look at what you’ve done to me, universe... You at what you’ve done. I’M TALKING TO A CAT. A FREAKING CAT ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. ALL BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID BIRTHDAY REMINDER.”, I shouted at an empty space and stood up with my hands flaring around, wishfully hoping that his figure would pop out of nowhere and he could let me punch him. Just then, I could hear my neighbors flickering their lights on, constantly scolding and throwing complain after complain at me as I stood by my window pane. “HOY. I have my rights! I can scream and feel and get mad too, you know!”, I shouted back at them, only to receive a sandal almost thrown at me. Well, almost. Waving my sandal-holding hand at the former owner, I stuck my tongue out and closed the windows at them. Again, my cat is looking at me with those piercing glare of shame, mentally telling me of how ‘mature’ I acted. “I have my rights.”, I scoffed before throwing the sandal down to the box  filled with other thrown sandals by the cabinet. “Oh, wow. I found a pair!”, I jokingly stated, holding back the new owned sandal with the other pair from the box. And of course, dead silence. I was talking to a cat. Of course.

             Holding head under my palms the same way I’m holding my sanity, I laid myself back down. “I’m not trying to drive him off. But I also don’t want him taking control over everything like he always does. I just… For once, I just want to…”, ladies, in the verge of tearing up, take a pillow and scream at it, just like how I’m doing it now. You could almost hear me say “punyeta” under all that foam.

               Piricat with her little heart of gold, walked up to me and sat on my back. Yes, that is supposed to be her way of comforting me. And here I am again, phone on my hand, keyboard untouched.

‘It’s a time for change.’ As my new boss always mentions. But in my terms, It’s time for me to straighten things up, just like old times.

Just like old times.

                 “It’s just one message. Come on. You can do it. How about… “Hey! Advance Happy Birthday!”, I looked from behind where my cat sat. “No, too cheeky. How about “Happy throw your father’s tea at the harbor!”?”, I like that one, humorous but a bit too soon. I’m not even sure if he’s over that revolution yet. Nope. Scratch that. Delete. “Happy Birthday, Alfred.”?, simple but meaningful. That seems fine.

                  Rechecking time, It’s already 10 pm. Curfew. I could have sworn that the Barangay officials would be wondering around the streets to- and in a nick of time, sirens were heard as well as parents protesting that their children were just about to go home. Oh the excuses.

I just hope that they “Don’t go overboard tomorrow…”

Sent.

Sent? What do you mean? Oh, no.  I must have pressed the voice control thing on my phone! Wait, what did I send? “’Happy Birthday, Alfred. Don’t go overboard tomorrow.’ That sounds okay, civilized. Sort of? Right?”, I was starting to sound more like a panicking Jerry when Tom finally caught him. Hastily standing up, I walked around the room sweating as I brushed over my hair. Oh, don’t worry, Piricat’s fine. A bit fazed by the sudden movement, but fine!

’Don’t go overboard tomorrow’? You don’t say that to someone you barely talked casually with for years! Feeling-close, that’s what I look like.  “It’s okay, Maria. I mean, it’s not like you’ve been ignoring the guy or trying to keep a low profile relationship beyond Business matters, right?”

          “Wait. Yes, I am. Susmaryosep, I AM.” What a great time to stress about the smallest of things. That’s it. I’m going completely bonkers. I better call someone for my last words from sanity.

And I know exactly who to call.

_ _ _ _ _

“Wait, you did what?!”, a squeaked up voice answered from the other line, together with eventual snickering and full-house laughter. I could imagine how much he’s crying himself out from the stomach pain while here I am, standing silently like an idiot. “Alejandro, please. I already know that I’m an embarrassment. You don’t have to rub it in!”

“It’s... It’s not that, Maria!”, I could still hear his snickering. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? I mean, you both basically talk to each other for so long in the past.”

“It is not just some text and that’s the point, the pas-“

“I know, I know. The past is past and business is business. Si, hermana. But if it really is just all in the past, then shouldn’t you be holding old grudges in the past as well? And besides, you’re business partners. Just tell the Amerikano that you did so as business partners! Easy-Peasy, really breezy.”

“But-“

“Look, I need to go, El Presidente here doesn’t like seeing me slack off on work. Just hope for the best. Stop moping around and be that strong, independent woman you always claim yourself to be! Continue acting like that and people might think that you’re still getting yourself affected!”, the last note I heard from him was his laughter before the beep. And I was left there dumb-folded. What if that Mexican burrito is right? What if I AM getting myself too affected? What if after all this time, I never,

I never really moved-

Buzz. Oh, and speak of the nugget himself. Even seeing his name on my contacts gave me chills. Alright, stay calm. You’re not some pick-up chick who can fall shortly through words. You’re a decent Filipina. You can do this. Just one press and whatever he says shouldn’t matter.

 I spoke too soon. Click goes the android phone shoved up to my face by shaking fingers.

“I won’t make any promises ”

I won’t make any promises? What does that even mean? And is that a winkey face?! Is that supposed to be a mistyped smiley face or was it really meant to- Oh, no. I can feel my cheeks heating up. “No, no, no. This is not good. This is NOT good. I cannot be seen like-“, ladies another note. When you have uncontrollable feelings to ignite, take a pillow and scream at it. Works every time. And until you are satisfied, just take a lap of breaths.

Okay, I’ll admit one thing I miss my old life. I miss just going out, socializing with my citizens, talking to other nations like some typical stroll in the park. I miss those times when life wasn’t as stressful as greeting him a Happy Birthday. But that one text, just felt so overwhelming. It felt like forever since the last time I was free from work. And that one digital message just made me realize how many years I’ve been suffocated and how many good memories I’ve let myself slip by from. It felt so good yet it stung too. Ah, Dios mio, I’m pathetic. Why am I even complaining? I’m the one who chose this path. Can I really turn around now that I’m this close to proving my worth? I want to do that all again. But I can’t. Not now.

“Stop overthinking things, Maria, and go back to work. Wait. Work. I FORGOT ABOUT MY PAPERS!”

Maybe tomorrow.